So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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