Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
