why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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