Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
