Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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