Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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