Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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