THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
