Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
