I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
