i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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