our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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