so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love having hate sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
