You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
