I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize