Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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