We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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