I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize