Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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