there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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