am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
