tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
