He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
