You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
