I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
