Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
