OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
