I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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