im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
