batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
