I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
