I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
