how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
