i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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