Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
