wrigley field is MILF paradise
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So much rum. So many feels.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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