I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
