I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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