Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
