she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
