i already hear my dad disowning me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
