The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
