Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
