Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
