I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
