i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize