I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
