hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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