do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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