like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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