I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
