If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
