My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize