the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are we still banned from the library?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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