so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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