I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
