the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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