Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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