This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
