I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
