You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
