I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The struggles of a small town man whore
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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