Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
