im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Boobs are out for the taking
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
