someone get that fucking seahorse.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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