Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
