i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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