her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
