so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
