What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
