Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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