I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
