I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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